We put Kodiak to sleep today. He let us know he was ready.
He had not improved overnight at all. In fact, he couldn’t even raise his head up this morning. He hadn’t been sternal (i.e., able to sit up on his chest and front legs) since yesterday morning, and he still couldn’t sit up. We tried again to get him sternal but he’d immediately fall back over. I held his head up so he could drink, but he didn’t want any water. He wouldn’t eat. Kodiak had barely peed during the night … and usually there’s a lot of urine in the morning. He hadn’t pooped in 24 hours. It’s as if his body was shutting down. His left front leg was still limp and lifeless.
I called our specialist in Missoula, Dr. Dave Bostwick, to let him know we were bringing Kodiak in. Then Alayne and I carefully moved Kodiak onto our animal stretcher and loaded him into the truck. I headed into Missoula to see if Dave thought there was anything we could do for him.
Dave found that Kodiak had now lost all deep pain sensation in his hind legs, as well as in his newly paralyzed left front leg. Dave said the inability to get sternal, to hold his head up, the sudden loss of his front leg … all that pointed to ascending myelomalacia, in which the spinal cord turns to jelly.
It’s called ‘ascending’ because the process is moving up the spinal cord towards the brain from the point of injury or trauma, as opposed to ‘descending’ myelomalacia, where it is moving down the spinal cord. In Kodiak’s case, given the complete loss of his hind legs now, it’s also possible the myelomalacia was progressing in both directions. Dave said there was nothing we could do at this point.
I told Dave I was ready to let him go. I knew that this time Kodiak was ready to go, too. He wasn’t ready the last two times we faced this decision, but today was different. He was letting us know.
I held this big old boy’s head in my hands and kissed him while Dave was putting him to sleep. I told him how much we loved him, and how sorry I was that we couldn’t do anything more for him. And then he slipped away.
I know Kodiak was loved more in the month we had him than he had been in his entire life. He had more people caring for him than he ever had before. To all of you who have posted such wonderful thoughts and comments about this special boy, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
This is how I hope you’ll remember him … a smiling, happy Kodiak on his first evening at the ranch. It was August 11 when we took this photo of him.
We’re having his body cremated and his ashes brought back to the ranch. He’ll be in our hearts forever.
Bless you, Kodiak. We love you.
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