This post is probably going to get me in big trouble. But let's take a brief break from animals and discuss a subject that is always entertaining if occasionally dangerous to bring up: gender differences. Now, before anyone suggests when reading this post that I might be sexist, please know that I truly believe the world would be a better place if it were run by women. Absolutely. Men have had their hand on the proverbial wheel for several thousand years and — would anyone dispute this? – usually make a grand mess of things. I suspect the world would be much improved if men were confined to the useful trades while women ran the show.
But there is one difference between the sexes where women just don't do as well as men: They don't pick up their twine after opening bales of hay. That's right.
Now, I'll admit I haven't run a double-blind scientific peer-reviewed study comparing 1,000 women and 1,000 men, with observers watching through two-way mirrors to see who is and who isn't picking up their twine. But in my limited experience with the 9 or so women who have worked here over the years and the one guy (that would be me), I can quite authoritatively say that in general, women don't pick up their twine and men do. Why this is I don't know, but my 9-to-1 sample is pretty convincing. Alas, even my (much) better half is a frequent no-picker-upper. And unfortunately, now that she is the sole remaining woman here opening bales of twine, if there's bale twine lying about, I have a pretty good hunch who left it there. (I have never fallen for the line that "Smudge the barn cat pulled the twine out of the trash can and carried it back to the hay to play with.")
I have, in years past, been accused by various women here of being a crank on this subject (what?!?). You see, the superior gender believes it's better to cut the bale open, feed out the hay, and then go back to get the twine later. Except … they don't. They move on. They forget. They leave it to the one solitary guy to pick up their twine for them.
Once I stood in front of three women (two employees and the better half) in Lena's Barn one afternoon a few years ago, clutching an arm-load of baling twine I had picked up, and asked who was leaving the twine behind. They all stared at each other, each insisting that she picked up her twine as she went. Of course none of them were picking up their twine. (You should have heard the muttering behind me as I left the barn that afternoon. Oh, goodness me.) The most common answer I get from the fairer sex, when I'm pointing to twine lying on the ground, is: "Well … (long pause) … well … (staring at feet) … I was going to go back and pick it up when I finished feeding."
Hmm.
This is what usually happens … twine cut and left on hay:
This next one is better, because the twine was actually removed from the bale and balled up as if to stuff in a pocket but then, inexplicably, left on the ground:
Oh, well. At least points were awarded for balling it up.
Sometimes the twine makes it all the way into the barn but not into the trash can:
Trash can was full, apparently. Or maybe Smudge the barn cat … oh, never mind.
Of course, if the trash can is full or one isn't available, there's really only one acceptable place for twine:
Yep, that's a self-portrait, in case you were wondering. I mean, who else would have twine in their pocket, eh?
[The better half points out that "twine" and "whine" rhyme. As if they were meant to go together.]
Perhaps, if women should indeed be running the world, it is only fitting that men are left to pick up their twine.
UPDATE: After reading this post, Alayne says I will live to see another day. Though she's not sure why.
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